This is a story. Is there anyone so stupid that they think it might have happened?? The General Disclaimer is incorporated herein by reference.

New Angel

by Georgie Porgie

21 March 1995

(???/g7g6g blasphemy pedo bond tort rape anal)

"Hi, I'm Mary. What's your name? Christa? Christa Rose? As in 'Christ arose'? Hee hee. I'm sure He'll get a rise out of that one. Maybe not the kind of rise you want though. So, you're new here, right? I'll show you around."

"Hee hee. Everybody does that right away. No, there's nothing under your robe. God likes it like that."

"No, your wings don't work. No, mine don't either. They're just for show, because angels are prettier with pretty wings."

"Don't get too close to the edge of the clouds. If you fall off, you know what will happen? Well, you remember seeing falling stars on Earth don't you? Those weren't stars. If you fall off, you'll fall all the way down into Hell, and you'll never come back. They tell me it's not a nice place to live."

"Of course I'm a virgin, in every possible way, same as when I came here, same as I know you are, why?"

"Oh, that's what you mean. No, I'm not that Mary. I've never even met her. She was too old to come here when she died, so she went to Hell. Besides, she was no virgin, obviously."

"I was seven years old when I died, and I look just the same now as I did then. You won't grow any older here, so you'll look like you're six years old forever."

"Oh, I don't remember how long. You sorta lose track of time up here. I've been here a long long time though."

"Yea, I still act like I'm seven years old, too. That's part of not growing any older. Hee hee."

"Oh, I saw an angel fall off a cloud once. I heard her screaming for a long time as she fell. I didn't look, but God leaned over and watched her fall. He laughed and laughed about it. I think maybe He had something to do with it."

"Never step on yellow clouds. That's where God, uh, you know... 'went'. They're slippery and not very solid there, and you might slip off and fall down into Hell. I think He does it just hoping one of us will fall, so He can watch. That gets Jesus real mad. He doesn't want any of us to fall."

"Ha hah ha. Fat chance. No, He just wants us all for Himself, and hates to lose one."

"No, all the angels are girls, like us. No babies, no boys, no big people except God and Jesus. And the Other One. That's why They call it Heaven."

"Oh, there's Jesus over there, see Him, with the other angel? Let's sneak up and watch them ... I mean Them... um, I mean Him and her... from behind that cloud bank."

"It's a cross? We call it something else up here. He brought the idea back with Him when He came back from Earth. He said something like 'You want to go back to Earth? Let Me show you what's it's like down there!' That was right after He came back that the 'cross' thing started up here."

"Oh, sure. Hee hee. I've been here a long time, like I said."

"Of course I've been on it. Just like He's doing with her right now. And I'm sure it'll be your turn before long."

"Oh don't worry, your hands and feet go back to normal before the next time. See? You don't see any marks on my hands and feet do you? They're perfect just like they were when I came here, just like yours."

"Oh, I don't know. Like I said, you lose track of time here."

"Twenty!?? Hahahahah aha ha! Hee hee. Twenty!? Twenty hundred zillion times is closer. Well, maybe only a million."

"Are you a dummy or what? Of course He isn't going to let her keep her robe. That's the whole point. Watch what He does next! Hee hee, that's the 'rise' I told you about before."

"So you never knew what your name really meant, did you, Christa Rose?"

"Hee hee. He said stabbing in the side wasn't nearly as much fun, that's why He stabs in the front instead. And lower down."

"Usually He uses that spear handle. It's a soov.. uh, hee hee, I don't know the word. Sometimes He uses other things, sometimes just Himself. You know, His 'rise'."

"Of course she's crying, you dummy. It hurts like, uh, you know."

"Don't look now, but I think there's Somebody behind us. And that's the place He really likes to be."

"Wow, He found you already! And you've only been here a little while! He sure is quick. No, don't try to hold it down, that won't do you any good. See? He's a lot stronger than you think. Come on, don't be a bawlbaby, just be glad it's a cloud, not a hard rock floor, like on Earth, that way your face doesn't hurt too. Hang on, He'll be done pretty soon and you'll be back to normal again before the next time. Gee, He sure is taking His time with you, I guess because it's your first time. Just be glad this is Heaven. They don't have clouds in Hell. There, He's finished, now He'll go away."

"Hey! No! Not me, not now, I'm busmph aghh unh owww oh stop no! Oww oh mpmmf! Ahhn unh unhhh! Awwwwooowww mmmwmmaammmaaaaa! Aaawwwiiiee! Oh! Ohhh! Oh please stop pleaaaaase! Uhhh unhhh hunh oaawiiee! Oh no, no, NO! Please don't turn me over, no, don't oomf oawaawwwiie! Unnngg! Mmmgmff! Mmmnaaaiiee! Oh mommmmiie! Umh unmh uoonh. Uoannm."

"I'm fine, I guess. No, of course you didn't see Him! He's a Spirit, you dummy! But you sure felt Him, didn't you? I really wish He wouldn't stuff the hem of my robe in my mouth, it gets it all wet and wrinkled."

"Of course, it'll dry out and smooth out before the next time. See? Yours is almost dry already. And your bummy will be back to normal too, and we'll still be virgins, so it'll hurt just as much the next time. That's why They call it Heaven."

"Why do we call it Heaven? Because They do, I suppose."

"Guess what, Christa? Jesus is done with the other angel, and He's coming our way. And I don't think He's looking at me, either."

"Hee hee. I'd tell you to act your age, but that's exactly what you're doing already. That's why They call this Heaven. Hee hee. I'm leaving now. I don't want to be the one after you. Welcome to Heaven, Christa!"

Hee hee. They always try to outrun Him the first time. Look at her silly wings fluttering, like a trapped butterfly. Hee hee. I wish mine worked.

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